Leadership and Management

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Burying the Hatchet on Work Place Disputes

By Christina Lattimer • October 31, 2013 - 2:46 pm Leadership and Management

Disputes at work cost us much more than loss of productivity

As we speak I have placed myself at the centre of a dispute. Now for me this is quite a big deal because quite frankly I am against being in dispute per se. The details of the dispute are immaterial because all it really boils down to is that the other person I am in dispute with simply sees things differently to me, and they are trying to foist their perspective on me. (Conversely, I’m at it too!).

Because I know that disputes are futile egotistical diversions, which waste a lot of time and energy I usually avoid them like the plague. That’s not to say I don’t feel strongly about certain issues, and I abhor it when my values are being dishonoured, it’s simply that I know enough to realise that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Also life is simply too short to become embroiled.

The thing is with disputes though; it is usually when someone else’s rules, opinions or behaviours impinge on our own personal boundaries that we can no longer turn a blind eye.

Some of the facts

At work in the UK, around were recorded in 2012/13. The introduction of payment of a fee to lodge an employment dispute to a tribunal which was introduced in July 2013, has many HR professionals and employment lawyers waiting with baited breath to see if there is a sharp downfall in claims as a result. The most recent released by the UK Government are pretty inconclusive and the trends have certainly not been established.

But whether or not the payment of a fee helps to direct the minds of claimants whose disputes may be dubious is really a bit of a red herring. The emergence of an application to an employment tribunal is quite often the end result of a long and arduous route whereby somewhere along the line, parties to the dispute have failed to find a solution, or a meeting of minds.

Workplace conflict is extremely costly; in a , it was found that resolving conflict took up, on average, one day per month for each and every worker. If you start doing the math, then you realise that the cost to businesses is pretty huge. But even then, as we all know; disputes at work have a ripple effect. Not only do they take precious time to resolve, they can create an awful atmosphere, absence from work, knotty HR issues while disputes are being solved and simply drag down the business.

Why disputes occur

There are many reasons why disputes occur, but some of the common dynamics present are; roles of victim and victimiser, a sense of unfairness or injustice, a need to be right and the other wrong and sometimes a need to be better than or indignation at being seen as less than.

Some of the causes of disputes arise from:

Rules imposed by one party have been broken by the other, but the other doesn’t agree on the rules in the first place.
There is a disagreement on the facts
One person is being seen as having an unfair advantage over another
A person’s behaviour is, or is seen as, unacceptable
Decisions are made which don’t consider the person or their circumstances
There is a personality clash
Inadequate communication exists.

I’m sure there are many more, but in my experience many disputes are contained within those seven causes.

Because we are all so unique and our perspectives are so very different, conflict resolution management is not really a huge success, as can be seen by the number of disputes which have reached employment tribunal. In fact many companies might argue that the most important HR Expertise is being able to minimise the effects of disputes in the workplace.

A different mind set

There is no magic wand unfortunately. Human behaviour doesn’t transform instantly. A change of mind is needed, and this is not just in the workplace, but at home, in politics, in global leadership. The following mind-set shifts would produce a significant change in unhealthy disputes which simply squash the spirit, waste time and stunt creativity and innovation. Creating dynamics of equal value, a goal of harmonious working (healthy conflict is allowed!), and respect of boundaries and understanding each other.

These can translate into possible actions such as:

Helping people who feel victimised to access their inner strength and honour themselves.
Creating a common purpose and vision when setting rules and boundaries, and when others can’t or don’t meet them, helping them as much as possible to do so.
Allowing people to make an occasional mistake.
Treating everyone with equal value as a person
Involving and honouring everyone when instigating change
Being aware of and acknowledging when decisions are made they may have a negative impact on others and finding ways to help people when that is the case.
Raising awareness of how we operate as human beings, and our impact on others.
Creating congruent communication, where different styles are respected and used.

The funny thing is, when I began to get into my current dispute, a big part of me was saying, just surrender, don’t go down that route, let it go! But my rebel sense of indignation and rightness won over. Well for a short time anyway. I think though, it might just be time to bury the hatchet!

This great article is from the People Discovery blog, associated with The e.MILE People Development Magazine: the Magazine is currently running a series for the 6 months April to September 2014 based on the challenges identified by The Centre For Creative Leaderships report 2013 Don't Miss Out! Sign up here to be notified of our subsequent issues and posts

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The Hidden Power For Leadership and Life

By Christina Lattimer • October 24, 2013 - 1:12 pm Leadership Development

Everyone has this power, some of us just don’t realise it.

When I first began leading and managing teams, I would be irritated by negative and “play it safe” people. My desire to get on and create great outcomes meant anyone or anything which appeared to block the team power or create resistance was simply just a nuisance. That was just one of the many immature attitudes I began my leadership career with.

Many years of experience later, I realised my irritation was more to do with the fact I wasn’t actually looking in the mirror at my own resistance and negativity and loss of power. I’ve always seen the world as a giant classroom and what I didn’t learn via Leadership Development, I learned through reflecting on my experiences.

One of the biggest AHA moments in my life and a huge turning point for me was discovering the power of the mind. Quantum science has been showing us for some time that “by the very act of watching, the observer affects the observed reality”. This startling discovery profoundly changes the world that we live in, and I am not sure yet we have fully grasped the concept. Research such as Emoto’s Water Experiment which shows how water structure changed when exposed to different thought patterns is amazing. In essence what these factors meant for me and certainly what I have experienced is this.

What I believed about my team was crucial to their success and secondly
My team always lived up to my expectations.
Quite often I projected the traits I did not like in myself onto my team and instead of dealing with the unwanted trait myself, I blamed others for it.

This is not a flight of fancy. When the penny dropped and I believed my team could be dynamic, enthusiastic and creative, I focused on those aspects and not only did I encourage those behaviours, when I saw contrary behaviours; instead of getting hung up about them, I practically helped my team find solutions and develop ways to get different outcomes.

Instead of projecting negativity on them, I started to project positive and affirming traits. The fact is our minds are creatively powerful. Imagination is the creative force of the universe. Anything which has been created was first envisaged and imagined. When we experience outcomes we don’t want then we have mis-created, because we have focused on what we don’t want instead of what we do; it is as simple as that. Mother Therese fully understood this phenomenon when she said, “I will never attend an anti-war rally; if you have a peace rally, invite me”.

Instead of anti-war; focus on peace. Instead of diversity; focus on inclusion. The unconscious mind doesn’t understand filler words, so if you say: I don’t want to go bankrupt, guess what you have set in motion? If you say, I am becoming successful and my business is abundant, and believe it, then that is what you will set in motion. This simple fact is hard to believe because much of our mindfulness is unconscious and it is our unconscious beliefs and tapes which are often creating our world. Our job is to become aware of our unconscious faulty beliefs and change them with life-affirming and sustaining beliefs.

Every single one of us is creating, we just aren’t aware of it, or we have disconnected from our awareness of it, and so quite often we mis-create. Much of leadership is about facilitating different mind-sets in order to consciously create rather than unconsciously mis-create. The mind is our creative force, and how we use it is extremely important. Most commonly because we don’t realise or understand the creative power of the mind, we are constantly in Groundhog Day. Our script is set, our beliefs are set in stone, our thinking patterns are habitual, we doubt our actions and our days and lives will trundle along.

Many of you will be familiar with the famous quote from Marianne Williamson “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us” The truth is whenever we are judging or blaming or denying responsibility we are in fact running from the astonishing power of our creative mind.

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10 Steps to Find Balance in the Pursuit of Excellence

By Christina Lattimer • October 17, 2013 - 1:55 pm Leadership Development

Finding balance while pursuing excellence

I met with some very dear friends earlier this week, we are friends and business colleagues and so much of the topic of conversation revolves around our respective business issues. We were recounting our progress with varying amounts of success. One of my projects is taking much longer than I thought, and I was happily talking about the qualitative changes I felt I must make before moving forward, when one of the group suggested that perhaps I should take the approach that “just good enough” might be the mind-set I needed right now. I immediately replied that I wasn’t prepared for “just good enough”, I wanted my product and services to be excellent. But as usual the exchange got me thinking. Was the pursuit of excellence on my part simply a delaying tactic?

As a master procrastinator I am usually more obvious in my efforts to avoid doing things I should, the tax return filed only 7 days before the deadline, the marketing product I have been working on for weeks but I always find something else more urgent to do. The friends I must call because I haven’t seen them for so long.

I have experienced first-hand, business owners who don’t move forward because they feel there is always more preparation to be done; when deadlines are missed because some other factor comes into play and they want to make sure everything is lined up before they move on. Such environments simply call time on innovation, motivation and enthusiasm, because nothing ever is achieved. My friend’s question made me think: Is this me?

Social media and globalisation has forced a pace on most businesses, not only to be active transparent and visible, but also to do things in an increasingly bigger, more connected and excellent way. The platform is equally open to large multi-nationals as well as the small sole trader. There is room for all, and the benchmark for excellence and the way we do business is changing rapidly. Will Yokowicz’s article “Get Ready for the Social Network of Things” gives a vivid picture of the mind-set shift which is taking place right now. Leadership Development programmes must help develop appropriate mind-sets moving forward.

There is no place to hide anymore; procrastination is not going to cut it, nor is anything other than a pursuit of excellence going to be tenable. How do we reconcile almost superhuman efforts with the fact that the vast majority of us are human? How do we drag our fallible, procrastinating, pressurised, vulnerable selves to balance work, relationships and conflicting demands, and still achieve visible excellence?

There are a number of ways we can negotiate the path of excellence without creating unnecessary stress, pessimism or doubt. Its vital leaders have a realistic strategy to both achieve the excellent results they need while on a daily basis recognising in what situations “just good enough” is acceptable. Here are my top 10 steps which help navigate the way through.

1. Be committed to achieving a clear vision

There are going to be days when achieving your vision seems like a million miles away. When this happens just keep the vision in mind and know that the universe is conspiring to help you achieve it.

2. Setbacks are simply learning curves

If you can develop the mind-set that setbacks are simply opportunities to make improvements then you will recover much more quickly. Not allowing despondency or doubt in, will accelerate growth.

3. Listen to your intuition

Sometimes a lack of progress or huge resistance is a big sign that you are working on the wrong thing. If you continually feel uninspired, stressed and pressurised then you are definitely on the wrong track.

4. Create a great team

You really can’t do it on your own. You need help to achieve excellence whether through employees, partnerships, contractors, a support network, friends and family.

5. Look after yourself

You need to take time out to rest, connect with others and do other things. Health is one of the biggest pre-requisites for achievement of excellence, and could be one of your biggest stumbling blocks if ill health prevails.

6. Be clear about your priorities and values

If for example a family crisis comes along and you need to delay then don’t agonise over your decision.

7. Plot small milestones and celebrate success

It is easy to forget all the hard work and successes you have had along the way. Sometimes you can get so focused on what’s not achieved, you don’t realise how much you have achieved.

8. Forgive yourself

When you set out on the road to achieving excellence you put your head above the parapet. You are not always going to feel like following your own path. When you feel like rebelling, then forgive yourself and get away from it until as long as it takes to get back into the right mind-set.

9. Don’t cling to results

You are going to get the right results at the right time. Even if you believe they are poor, they are simply results, giving you a nudge and an indicator to say you need to look again. A journey to excellence is about progression and constant re-evaluation.

10. Get it into perspective

In his book “” Michael Singer helps the reader get their life in perspective by saying “You’re sitting on a planet spinning around in the middle of absolutely nowhere”. That’s not to minimise your efforts towards excellence, but realising that in this world everything ends eventually helps you to enjoy the journey much more than focusing on the destination.

Having thought through whether I should settle for “just good enough”, my resounding answer is still “No”, but I realise there are days and times when maybe I have to settle for “just good enough” rather than excellence as a temporary measure, and when I get to those times, I simply take my own advice!

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The Cornerstone of Authentic Leadership

By Christina Lattimer • October 10, 2013 - 3:29 pm Leadership Development

Authentic Leadership skills include learning from relationships.

Many years ago I worked with a client who was thinking of starting up her own business. She had many talents, and interests with lots to offer. Part of the process of finding out where she wanted to go, why and how she might do it was to explore her current employment which seemed to be causing her much angst, anger and frustration.

One of the biggest “thorns” in her workplace side was her boss. He seemed to evoke many negative emotions. She felt she was really good at what she did, but was often overlooked. She observed that her boss was quite formal and sometimes strained with her in comparison to other people who worked with him. Worse, she recounted a couple of occasions when others had got great work projects and raises, and she wasn’t even considered despite her obvious and impressive skill at what she did.

The relationship between one particular colleague and the boss made her completely see red. Her boss had a particularly great working relationship with the other lady, and even the little things like her boss saying “good morning” with gusto to this lady and sharing a laugh and anecdotes, made my client feel left out, isolated and unappreciated.

When I asked her to tell me what she thought of her boss she happily rattled away about his ability to be divisive, unfair, have favourites, unappreciative, and moody. I then asked her to put herself in her colleague’s shoes and to think about how she might describe him. The light, even at this early stage began to dawn, when she started using words like, friendly, likable, amusing, appreciative, and many more being the opposite of her own view. I then asked her if she had ever considered that her colleague might have a more successful relationship with their boss because she saw him in a more positive light. Setting a task for her to go into work and to simply view her boss through the eyes of her colleague and to see what happened; even I was unprepared for the magical change which she experienced between that coaching session and the next.

At the next session she was simply amazed at the difference she found with him when her attitude towards him changed, even though she didn’t actually say too much to him. She said he started off smiling at her, began stopping by to have a chat now and then, and even took her into his office to tell her what a remarkable job she was doing. The penny had dropped and she learned a valuable life lesson in that our relationships are often formed by our attitudes we hold towards others. Authentic leadership is born of such understanding.

Human relationships are one of the most fertile, challenging and rewarding arenas for growth and development of self-awareness, and they are the best training ground for authentic leadership. Being aware of and actively improving relationships both inside and external to the workplace is the cornerstone of great leadership development,. and authentic leadership. Not only must relationships be evaluated and given attention and effort, they must be appreciated for the learning opportunities which they hold.

The problem is we look at relationships through the wrong lens mostly. We use relationships to gauge our own or others self-worth, or we use them as if there is a hierarchy of good and bad people (I can hear the outcry now), we use them to suffer rather than celebrate. In the workplace, the extent of our discussions about relationships is limited to those about . These simply ignore one of the fundamental musts for authentic leadership, personal relationships, and I don’t mean romantic ones! If only we could just grasp the fact that relationships are learning opportunities which increase the opportunity for authentic leadership, then we would create a much better world and lay the way for much more effective and caring authentic leadership.

For me, some of the authentic leadership lessons, human relationships hold are:

Learning that love comes from within, and is not lost even when another is not around – find the love within despite what is happening outside.
That we hate in others the capacity or capability of that trait in ourselves – Forgive others. and yourself if you manage to see the potential or even the behaviour in you.
People feel what you are thinking about them, even if they aren’t consciously aware and so honesty is vital – Examine your thought behaviours and patterns as if they were transparent.
We often project our own script onto others – True listening and open-mindedness is essential to hearing others and understanding who they are.
Fear makes us want to attack and we fear being attacked – heal the fear and learn to trust one’s own self first.
Everyone is equally as valuable – without exception. Yes some people do bad things and I am not minimising that, and some people do heroically brilliant things. At the heart of who we are we all have some good, some bad and the extent of the love or fear we allow in our lives dictates our behaviour.
Perceptions are not fixed, in any given situation they can change. How we perceive others cannot ever be wholly accurate and therefore not to be trusted as an absolute authority.
Withholding judgment of others doesn’t mean not getting out of harm’s way.
We are interdependent, no “man” is an island
Love is the force which we always uncover if we are open to it.

In the workplace, while relationships may not be so intensely reflected as in the above examples, the principals still hold true. Authentic leadership, can flourish when it is know:

All roles in the workplace are important and everyone is valuable for the part they play. On a human level everyone is equally as valuable.
People of different abilities and skills will come and go in the workplace equal to the growth of the organisation. Appreciating that there should be healthy relationships for past, present and future employees are essential.
The quality of the way teams and individuals view and speak about each other in the workplace needs work and attention. Relationship building should be pivotal in growing and succeeding in the business.
People will live up to the leaders expectations of them. When operating from authentic leadership, the best is expected.
Communication strategies have to be honest, authentic and two way.
People must be encouraged to learn about themselves and others with a view to widening understanding.

Relationships are one of the cornerstones of authentic leadership, badging these as “soft skills” simply isn’t tenable any longer. They are HARD, emotionally charged lessons to learn, but if we have the courage to get into that particular class, and truly learn those skills then the rewards will be huge.

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5 Characteristics of an Open-Minded Leader

By Christina Lattimer • October 3, 2013 - 1:57 pm Leadership Development

An open-minded leader can appear anywhere.

I remember when I was still in my teens listening to a most fascinating work colleague, who professed to understand how hypnotists managed to tap into someone’s subconscious and get it to take control. In the next breath he would describe his insights gained in different cultures which he had acquired in his Navy days. His range of conversation was diverse, lively and knowledgeable. I remember feeling quite boring and uninteresting comparing myself with him, (which was a pre-occupation of mine as a teen). His role wasn’t officially as a leader, but he was well respected and one of those people who you know is influential in the team, he would have certainly qualified as an open-minded leader.

He had that charismatic quality, I always admire, which in those days I called open-mindedness. Open-mindedness for me was cool in those days, and still is. I think the quality of an open-minded leader is an underrated and misunderstood characteristic. What this quality means for me is:

A thirst for learning

Of course there are many types of learning: Taking in information through reading, observing, or my favourite which is experiential learning. I remember reading somewhere that the most honest sentence we can utter is “I don’t know”. I have come to realise that true wisdom stems from exactly that, an open-minded leader has that wisdom. It is when we are at our most convinced that we have something new to learn. Also an open-minded leader understands that the learning journey never stops. All we can be certain of is what we have learned so far. There is a practical aspect to this too. Our minds are a little like our bodies in that what we put in, is what we get out usually. If we sit and watch soaps or low-grade TV for hours on ends, guess what our conversation and focus is about?

Curiosity

Just when did our natural curiosity about the world disappear? My grandson Charlie is just starting to ask “Why?” Like most children he is curious and wants to understand what surrounds him. But for the majority of us, our natural curiosity stops at a certain point. Why is that? Is it because our minds are made up for us by concrete explanations from our parents or teachers? I remember at 16 having some extremely rigid views about our social system. I mentioned my limited views to a friend one day and she explained to me how narrow my thinking was and bluntly showed me the error of my ways. I realised in that moment I had taken on board the thought system of my parents, who had come from a completely different experience and generation from me. How often do we do that? Open-mindedness means that instead of believing everything you are told, you find out yourself. Even when you draw conclusions, you are open to finding out more. Exploring and actively being open and curious is the key here.

An ability to see things easily from different perspectives

In the world of the open-minded leader there is only “what works” and “what doesn’t work”, rather than what is right or wrong. We live in a world of both entrenched and enlightened values at times. Part of being open-minded is being able to see another’s point of view and evaluating not whether it is right or wrong, but whether it works or not. There is also the phenomenon of paradox working here, so being able to realise two opposing truths can be real. Take Orwell’s statement for example. “All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others” This statement can be viewed from a myriad of perspectives which if judgment is suspended can help the reader to see the situation from many different points of view. Political leaders are very good at this!

An acceptance and respect for others beliefs and choices

This can be a tough one. I remember talking to a professional who was coaching a young entrepreneur who wanted to get into the modelling world. An A grade student, with a great start-up business, and supportive parents; a glittering future was about to be thrown away by this young business woman who’s main desire in life was to enter the fickle and superficial world of modelling; or so my friend described. But the truth is we never know what is good for someone else, or what path is right for someone. I married very young and inevitably it ended in divorce. But was it inevitable? When my daughter decided to buy a house at age 19 with her first and only boyfriend, I was aghast. Luckily I was wise enough by then to understand that just because things went wrong for me, didn’t mean it would for her. All I said to her was, “Go and try it, but if it doesn’t work, then you can come home” She never has. We celebrated her wedding at the weekend after 9 years of being together. It is the same in the workplace. An open-minded leader will honour other people and the choices they make.

An awareness that their own and others beliefs and filters can be limiting

Our experience in this world is made up through a filter of our beliefs, ideas, thought patterns and emotions. Part of respecting the perspective of others shows a good understanding of this. There is a further element to this for open-minded people in that they realise; not only does everyone come from a different perspective, but it is likely that any perspective is limited. If you’ve ever had to give up a limited belief, without having another belief in place it can feel quite frightening. To be able to form new beliefs, you have to be able to use your imagination, and sometimes going from a limiting belief to a more expanded belief takes a leap of faith. At work this can be a problem whenever change happens, for example when a business is trying to reinvent or rebrand itself. An open-minded leader will understand that they have to instil that faith in their employees if the changes are going to be timely and effective.

Being an open-minded leader doesn’t mean being indecisive, which can sometimes be assumed when someone is accepting and curious of the world around them. In fact, it generally means an open-minded leader can be more decisive because they understand any decision is simply based on what they know in that moment, and therefore an open-minded leader cannot make a wrong decision. Just one that works, or doesn’t.

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The Emotional Key to a Better Leadership Style

By Christina Lattimer • September 25, 2013 - 1:40 pm Leadership Development

Leading with Emotional Intelligence and Owning Your Feelings

Yesterday I was picking a business colleague and friend up from our local train station. After battling the morning rush traffic which was an emotional feat in itself, I got to the station only to discover there were major building works. I managed to get into a space at the side of the station which had lots of car parking spaces but had big “no parking” signs because they belonged to a local hotel.

I had arranged to pick my friend up from the pick-up point at the front of the station, and I was already late. Therein lay my dilemma. I didn’t have his mobile number to hand, I couldn’t get to the front of the station, and if I had driven away I had no way of letting him know what was happening.

Acutely aware he would be wondering where on earth I had got to, I decided to jump quickly out of the car and wave to him to signal where I was. I got out of my car door, went onto the path, my friend spotted me after a couple of waves, and as I turned to go back to the car about 2 metres away there was a private car parking attendant writing out a ticket. “You have got to be kidding” I said. He smiled eerily and said “no, you’ve left the car unattended, you can see the signs”, as he proceeded to stick a ticket on my windscreen. Completely astonished, I watched helplessly as he proceeded to take photographs of the empty car no doubt to back up his ticket.

Years ago I would have reacted badly to the sense of injustice, anger and frustration of being so unfairly treated. At this stage in my life I simply managed to say with great disdain “I don’t know how you sleep at nights”. We then got into the car and left.

I managed to forget about the incident until last evening when I came upon the ticket in my handbag. The emotional annoyance and frustration came rushing back, and the sense of injustice made me look to see what right of appeal I had to the ticket. Awareness of my dislike of the parking attendant made me pause and think about why I disliked him. Of course it was my interpretation of the event which made me dislike him and the perceived hassle I felt I now had by pursuing an appeal. I knew I could interpret the events in a number of ways. He was only doing his job; he must need the money badly; I did not know what pressure he was under to “catch perpetrators”. Of course I had choices about how I would respond too. It might just be easier to pay up and to learn the lesson for next time.

One of the most annoying habits for others I have learned over the years of developing self-awareness is my understanding of the power and responsibility of owning my emotions, and the ability of others to do so also. My kids do not appreciate me rationalising their anger with others when I suggest they may look at the situation in a different way, a vital key to emotional intelligence. They want to blame others; after all it makes them feel better. And it does for many of us.

We do however always have the power to choose how we will react or respond to any situation. In an extreme example Victor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist and holocaust survivor, recounting his experience in the concentration camp said

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Viktor’s story is amazing, he chose to see his guards and captors as imprisoned as he was himself, and honed his emotional intelligence to the degree that he incredulously could even see the good in some of them.

Even in one of the most gruesome events in history Viktor was aware of the knowledge that he could choose how to interpret his experience.

Understanding one’s power to choose one’s reaction to what is happening is one of the key’s to great leadership, as well as emotional intelligence. You only have to read about the hardships faced by Ghandi, Mandela and others like them to know that these great leaders possessed well developed emotional intelligence, which should be included in more leadership development programmes’.

At work too, being able to choose one’s response when you feel angry, scared, anxious or even gloriously happy is essential if you are going to navigate your way through and win hearts and minds. That’s not to say you never show your feelings, or become a sterile shadow of your real self; it means you choose when it is appropriate to act on with emotional intelligence about how you are feeling. In the sage words of Aristotle

“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy”

The reason it’s not wise to act on one’s feelings or emotional reaction, always, is because they are often inaccurate. As human’s we can misinterpret the simplest of things. An employee goes off sick after they’ve been asked to do something differently. You assume they are emotional and angry, when actually you find out they’ve been suffering from depression since their mother died. An employee raises a grievance and you feel threatened and angry with them because you think they are out to get you, until you discover that they have very difficult circumstances at home and no one has taken the time to understand them. Even when the evidence overwhelmingly justifies the way we feel, we can always still choose a response.

The trick is to use your emotions like a guidance system. They are simply giving you some information about what you are experiencing. Sometimes taking action on emotions is the right thing to do, and sometimes it’s not. As a leader, emotional awareness is a key to making win/win decisions, taking charge of difficult situations and tapping into your intuition. If you let your emotions take charge of you, then you can blindly forge into situations and create irreparable damage.

In my own journey, owning my emotions and not blaming others for how I feel is and was one of my toughest lessons. Honouring feelings, while choosing an appropriate response is the key to owning emotions. It is only with this knowledge that you can reclaim your personal power, both in life and as a leader.

I still don’t like the fact I got a parking ticket, but I know I can either choose to simply pay up and put it behind me, or I can appeal, using precious time and resources to justify my sense of unfairness. Either way it is a choice. Which one would you choose?

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3 Ways We Block Success

By Christina Lattimer • September 13, 2013 - 1:42 pm Leadership Development

Three Ways We Block Success

I’ve often wondered why people don’t as a rule live up to their potential:

People with fabulous skills who for many reasons don’t feel the need to use them. A great friend of mine has the interior designer skill of Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen. She tirelessly attacks her house like painting the Forth Bridge, where she just finishes designing and changing her final room, then starts again. Her imagination, flair and precision to detail and colour are amazing. She makes her living from a completely different profession, one which she contributes greatly, but is hard work and low paid. A few years ago I asked her why she didn’t take her outstanding design skills to the next level, get paid for it, and become a success. I realised there was a lot at stake when she gave me about 15 resounding reasons why not.

I wasn’t surprised, and I know enough never to judge another person’s destiny or life, but I’ve seen it again and again, when hidden talents are just that: hidden away and not acted upon.

When researching for my degree dissertation, one of the questions I asked about 100 people was: “If you had all the money you wanted and there were no obstacles, would you be doing what you do now?” I can’t remember the exact figures, but it was in the 80%+ bracket of those interviewed who said “no. They wouldn’t”. When I asked them what they would do instead, some had startling clear ideas, some had a bit of an idea and others didn’t know, what they were sure of though was it wasn’t what they did right now.

It’s not just about making use of our talent and skills, many of us (me included) procrastinate, and talk about the fact that “we should get more sleep” or “we should lose those extra pounds” or “we need to stop working so hard, spend time with the family, take that holiday we’ve always dreamed about. I imagine you can add to the list.

I’m listening to the audio version of “” (2009) a co-authored book by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford and Marianne Williamson. The three authors describe their unique perspectives of how our unconscious or our shadow affects us all. For those on a spiritual path, the book is a must, for those of you who aren’t there is still many great psychological principles which are useful to understand if you want to really be your true self.

In the book, Debbie Ford describes how our shadow dictates our behaviour at times and how we need to look within to harness and direct what can be an unconscious destructive power. The problem of course, is, if we are being driven by an unconscious force, then we don’t know about it and are in denial! Our shadow is made up of all the characteristics, feelings, memories and traits we want to bury away and forget. The problem is, when such episodes are repressed then, they don’t go away and resurface in a number of destructive ways.

I have done enough reflection and work on myself to have experienced the sweet release when you face up to a painful or shameful memory, and come to terms with it, and so recognise the healing power of looking at our shadow, although it doesn’t make it any easier, and there is always something to look at! It is very much a lifelong journey.

In the workplace, again and again, I’ve seen characters who had potential to be a success, who at the last minute would do something to jeopardise their progress. I saw people yearning for a different lifestyle, not extraordinary outrageous changes, just simple ones, but forever keeping it out of their reach. There are many ways we sabotage our success, but for me these are the 3 most prevalent.

1. Repressing painful memories, which make us fearful to move forward, or keep us locked in unsatisfying and dead-end relationships.

Not facing up to our inner pain seems like a good strategy. Who wants to feel pain? Of course we don’t. Allowing ourselves to work through pain heals and releases us from unnecessary suffering. The main reason we hold onto unnecessary pain, is that we have interpreted the pain we are feeling to mean something about us. “He left because I wasn’t good enough”, or,” he lost his job because he is just one of life’s losers” We bury the pain, because we cannot bear to face the incorrect interpretation we have arrived at.

2. Allowing fear to prevent us from taking our talents to where they can benefit and help others.

Many of us live in our comfort zone and facing fears is part of growing and living. When I asked my friend why she didn’t want to take her interior design skills and get paid for her obvious talent, one of the many reasons she stated, was: “Who would want someone of my age to design their houses?” (She was in her mid-40’s at the time). What this response and many others amount to, one of our many human foibles is that many of us just don’t feel good enough. The truth is of course, that we are all good enough, and we don’t have to be perfect.

3. Claiming inappropriate guilt when we have honored ourselves.

My friends got together many years ago, leaving their respective spouses. They had kids, and it was a terrible guilt-gut wrenching time for all involved. A couple of years ago, my friends realised that guilt was still dictating their lives, when their children were all stretching them to the limit and causing havoc. Although they didn’t realise it, they were not drawing appropriate boundaries and limits because they felt guilty. One of the ex-spouses had never married again, proclaiming that their life had been ruined. This spectre of blame and guilt over- shadowed the lives of the long married pair. When removing oneself from a poor relationship, it is a way of honoring oneself. That is not to say there should not be respect, kindness and consideration for the other partner who may not want the split; certainly if you want to move on from a relationship, you have to take responsibility. But how long should you wear that hair shirt? Of course, it benefits no-one and especially those children, who needed to understand that sometimes, life’s like that. Once they realised their guilt was governing their lives, they made some big changes, and months later, much happier children, and a much happier family life was achieved.

At work too, the collective shadow can come into play, keeping great potential cloaked in an unhappy comfort zone, creating conflict and affecting the success of the team. Organisations carry their own stories of guilt, repression of feelings and fear. That’s why story-telling and re-framing the past as well as stories about the vision for the future is so important for businesses.

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3 Ways We Block Success

By Christina Lattimer • September 13, 2013 - 7:15 am Miscellaneous

Three Ways We Block Success

I’ve often wondered why people don’t as a rule live up to their potential:

I wasn’t surprised, and I know enough never to judge another person’s destiny or life, but I’ve seen it again and again, when hidden talents are just that: hidden away and not acted upon.

Repressing painful memories, which make us fearful to move forward, or keep us locked in unsatisfying and dead-end relationships.

Allowing fear to prevent us from taking our talents to where they can benefit and help others.

Claiming inappropriate guilt when we have honored ourselves.

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Christina has managed people for twenty seven years and led hugely successful teams. She has worked with people at all levels in various organisations to help them achieve their potential, and she has been actively involved in the learning and development field in a number of different roles.People Discovery is a Leadership Development coaching consultancy, based in North East England, working globally. The e.MILE Community is a networking, sharing and business directory for people who know “there must be a better way”By Christina LattimerFollow us on

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How Is Conflict Hurting Your Business?

By Christina Lattimer • August 31, 2013 - 9:23 pm Miscellaneous

Conflict often requires professional HR Expertise

Have you ever dreaded going to work because you didn’t want to deal with all the conflict? Maybe you didn’t want to face a boss who nitpicks and over-analyzes everything or work with a co-worker who is constantly texting while you’re trying to explain something important. Well, you’re certainly not alone.

Research shows that chronic unresolved conflict is a decisive factor in at least 50% of employee departures. Further, roughly 65% of employee performance problems are caused by strained relationships between employees. What’s more, managers spend 25-40%
of their time dealing with workplace conflicts. That’s up to 2 full work days every week that they’re not getting any real work done! As workplace conflict expert Daniel Dana, Ph.D. states, “Unresolved conflict represents the largest reducible cost in many businesses…yet it remains largely unrecognized.”

A Hidden Cause of Workplace Conflict

But what is the cause of all this conflict? Of course, individual personality differences play a role. However, one of the biggest hidden causes of workplace conflict is generational differences.

After all, a company founder who was born in the 1920s and grew up during the impoverished Great Depression has a very different work nature than a new hire who was born in the 1990s and grew up in the generally abundant and constantly connected Information Age. Basically, since they grew up in such different times, they come from completely different worlds and have very different perspectives and values. It’s not surprising that the latter might be reluctant to play by, or even understand, the rules of the former. With so many generational differences across an organization, it’s no wonder there’s so much conflict! So, where do we start in reducing this generational conflict? Unfortunately, when we look closely at the traditional approaches to generations (like Baby Boomers, Gen X, Gen Y, etc.), we find some significant problems.

The Traditional Generational Approaches

The traditional approaches to generations are flawed in a number of ways. First, they take randomly-chosen periods of time to try to create generational profiles. But, arbitrary time frames such as a boom in the birth rate after World War II, or historical social cycles, do not accurately reflect powerful shared social experiences or exponential technological change.

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3 Reasons Why A Great Engagement Strategy Isn’t Enough

By Christina Lattimer • August 23, 2013 - 10:44 am Leadership and Management

An engagement strategy means the ability to create an environment where employees are engaged and encouraged to bring out their self-motivation are “must have” leadership skills.

I have worked with many leaders who have made great efforts to put in place a culture which gets the best out of people and gets them involved and committed. But sometimes their efforts simply weren’t, frustratingly, enough. Indeed many organisations invest much time and resource into getting it right, but even though they are well-intentioned, sometimes, often, their initiative is simply doomed; if not to fail, then at best, the outcomes simply don’t live up to expectations.In my experience, there were times, even when the company was doing well, a constant thread of discontent existed amongst the team or even across the whole organisation. For a long time I put this down to human nature. There are positive people and negative people and you can’t get it right 100%: right?I even found times when team and organisational results were high, and leaders were celebrating their successes; employee engagement indicators showed there wasn’t a corresponding “high” in the way employees were buying in or not to the success of the business. In one scenario, one organisation won accolades for leadership excellence when the engagement index for staff was actually sweeping the bottom of the industry league tables. Obviously the criteria for leadership excellence were missing some vital ingredients in engaging and enthusing their people.

For me, I have found, there are three common problems which if not tackled and given focus and attention will leave the best intentioned leaders and managers left scratching their heads in their efforts to create a great working environment. At first glance, most leaders and managers would probably deny these problems are alive and well in their workplace, but often denial can stem from the lack of perspective, given their proximity to the problem.

The three problems, I believe if not tackled will sabotage attempts to engage and motivate people are:

Lack of Drive to Excel

This syndrome often occurs when organisations are getting reasonable results. It’s a little like living with an old and trusted cooker. As long as it’s working and cooking tasty meals, then there’s no need to change. Once it’s broken though, then you will start looking around to see what’s out there, and slam, the realisation that your oven was “in the dark ages” compared to the brilliant new technology available and how much time can be saved with technological advances, comes into your awareness.

Many organisations are still “cooking on gas”, in their minds, but they haven’t caught on to the many brilliant possibilities that exist, if they decided to raise their game, and invest in something new. In a nutshell, the organisational culture is resistant to operating outside of the established comfort zone, which would have been forced had results been poor or disappointing. Results which were “good enough” didn’t leverage sufficient motivation to change and achieve even better results.

Believing in Average Ability of their Employees

Some 5 years ago, I applied to win a place in a local Academy for my son. In those days Academies in the UK were few and far between. This particular school was amazing. At that time, results showed it was in the top ten schools in England. The school didn’t have formal feeder schools, so each one of its 190 odd intake of pupils was by application. They were and continue to be 2 – 1 oversubscribed.

In my ignorance, I expected the school to favour “bright” children, given its amazing results. What I found, still makes me wonder. The school intake policy includes an obligation to take in pupils from the whole spectrum of “ability” from children who had “special needs” to those who were nearing genius status. The bulk and the majority of children had to be sourced from average to below average results. It worked out at about 70% of the pupils were average achievers when they arrived at the school.

When the head was asked about how they managed to get such amazing results given the mix of abilities, he told the silent parents that unlike other schools, they truly believed that everyone was capable of excelling and so from that belief they got the best out of the vast majority of their pupils.

What I have seen in many organisations is a similar syndrome to that which most schools suffer, unlike the Academy. The general belief in the average ability of a large percentage of their employees which resulted in a self-fulfilling prophesy, i.e. they produced average results in the main.

Lack of Internal Customer Service

I have seen many organisations have great outcome related external customer service policies, and strategies. They have plans to engage people with the organisational “big picture”, “mission” and they hold focus groups and ask people constantly how they can make things better, but they continue to ignore the internal relationships between peers, teams and departments.

Insufficient attention is paid to internal relationships, contribution ethos, innovation, values and helpfulness within an organisation. This is all about internal customer service. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with friendly rivalry between teams if their starting line is that they always act “for the greater good of the organisation”. It doesn’t matter how much effort is put into engaging, planning and rewarding people, if the relationships aren’t designed to “serve” each other as internal customers, excellence is never going to be achieved.

Including some well needed perspective to lift your team out of their comfort zone, help foster self-belief in your people and get your internal customer service to work brilliantly must be part of your plan if you want to be brilliantly successful.

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