Tag Archives: interpersonal skills

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Burying the Hatchet on Work Place Disputes

  By Christina Lattimer • October 31, 2013 - 2:46 pm

DisputesDisputes at work cost us much more than loss of productivity

As we speak I have placed myself at the centre of a dispute. Now for me this is quite a big deal because quite frankly I am against being in dispute per se. The details of the dispute are immaterial because all it really boils down to is that the other person I am in dispute with simply sees things differently to me, and they are trying to foist their perspective on me. (Conversely, I’m at it too!).

Because I know that disputes are futile egotistical diversions, which waste a lot of time and energy I usually avoid them like the plague.  That’s not to say I don’t feel strongly about certain issues, and I abhor it when my values are being dishonoured, it’s simply that I know enough to realise that everyone is entitled to their opinion.  Also life is simply too short to become embroiled.

The thing is with disputes though; it is usually when someone else’s rules, opinions or behaviours impinge on our own personal boundaries that we can no longer turn a blind eye.

Some of the facts

At work in the UK, around were recorded in 2012/13. The introduction of payment of a fee to lodge an employment dispute to a tribunal which was introduced in July 2013, has many HR professionals and employment lawyers waiting with baited breath to see if there is a sharp downfall in claims as a result. The most recent released by the UK Government are pretty inconclusive and the trends have certainly not been established.

But whether or not the payment of a fee helps to direct the minds of claimants whose disputes may be dubious is really a bit of a red herring. The emergence of an application to an employment tribunal is quite often the end result of a long and arduous route whereby somewhere along the line, parties to the dispute have failed to find a solution, or a meeting of minds.

Workplace conflict is extremely costly; in a , it was found that resolving conflict took up, on average, one day per month for each and every worker. If you start doing the math, then you realise that the cost to businesses is pretty huge. But even then, as we all know; disputes at work have a ripple effect. Not only do they take precious time to resolve, they can create an awful atmosphere, absence from work, knotty HR issues while disputes are being solved and simply drag down the business.

Why disputes occur

There are many reasons why disputes occur, but some of the common dynamics present are;  roles of victim and victimiser, a sense of unfairness or injustice, a need to be right and the other wrong and sometimes a need to be better than or indignation at being seen as less than.

Some of the causes of disputes arise from:

  1. Rules imposed by one party have been broken by the other, but the other doesn’t agree on the rules in the first place.
  2. There is a disagreement on the facts
  3. One person is being seen as having an unfair advantage over another
  4. A person’s behaviour is,  or is seen as, unacceptable
  5. Decisions are made which don’t consider the person or their circumstances
  6. There is a personality clash
  7. Inadequate communication exists.

I’m sure there are many more, but in my experience many disputes are contained within those seven causes.

Because we are all so unique and our perspectives are so very different, conflict resolution management is not really a huge success, as can be seen by the number of disputes which have reached employment tribunal.  In fact many companies might argue that the most important HR Expertise  is being able to minimise the effects of disputes in the workplace.

A different mind set

There is no magic wand unfortunately. Human behaviour doesn’t transform instantly. A change of mind is needed, and this is not just in the workplace, but at home, in politics, in global leadership. The following mind-set shifts would produce a significant change in unhealthy disputes which simply squash the spirit, waste time and stunt creativity and innovation.  Creating dynamics of equal value, a goal of harmonious working (healthy conflict is allowed!), and respect of boundaries and understanding each other.

These can translate into possible actions such as:

  1.  Helping people who feel victimised to access their inner strength and honour themselves.
  2.  Creating a common purpose and vision when setting rules and boundaries, and when others can’t or don’t meet them, helping them as much as possible to do so.
  3. Allowing people to make an occasional mistake.
  4. Treating everyone with equal value as a person
  5.  Involving and honouring everyone when instigating change
  6. Being aware of and acknowledging when decisions are made they may have a negative impact on others and finding ways to help people when that is the case.
  7. Raising awareness of how we operate as human beings, and our impact on others.
  8. Creating congruent communication, where different styles are respected and used.

The funny thing is, when I began to get into my current dispute, a big part of me was saying, just surrender, don’t go down that route, let it go!  But my rebel sense of indignation and rightness won over. Well for a short time anyway. I think though, it might just be time to bury the hatchet!

 

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The Cornerstone of Authentic Leadership

  By Christina Lattimer • October 10, 2013 - 3:29 pm
Authentic LeadershipAuthentic Leadership skills include learning from relationships.

Many years ago I worked with a client who was thinking of starting up her own business. She had many talents, and interests with lots to offer. Part of the process of finding out where she wanted to go, why and how she might do it was to explore her current employment which seemed to be causing her much angst, anger and frustration.

One of the biggest “thorns” in her workplace side was her boss. He seemed to evoke many negative emotions. She felt she was really good at what she did, but was often overlooked. She observed that her boss was quite formal and sometimes strained with her in comparison to other people who worked with him. Worse, she recounted a couple of occasions when others had got great work projects and raises, and she wasn’t even considered despite her obvious and impressive skill at what she did.

The relationship between one particular colleague and the boss made her completely see red. Her boss had a particularly great working relationship with the other lady, and even the little things like her boss saying “good morning” with gusto to this lady and sharing a laugh and anecdotes, made my client feel left out, isolated and unappreciated.

When I asked her to tell me what she thought of her boss she happily rattled away about his ability to be divisive, unfair, have favourites, unappreciative, and moody. I then asked her to put herself in her colleague’s shoes and to think about how she might describe him.  The light, even at this early stage began to dawn, when she started using words like, friendly, likable, amusing, appreciative, and many more being the opposite of her own view. I then asked her if she had ever considered that her colleague might have a more successful relationship with their boss because she saw him in a more positive light. Setting a task for her to go into work and to simply view her boss through the eyes of her colleague and to see what happened; even I was unprepared for the magical change which she experienced between that coaching session and the next.

At the next session she was simply amazed at the difference she found with him when her attitude towards him changed, even though she didn’t actually say too much to him. She said he started off smiling at her, began stopping by to have a chat now and then, and even took her into his office to tell her what a remarkable job she was doing. The penny had dropped and she learned a valuable life lesson in that our relationships are often formed by our attitudes we hold towards others. Authentic leadership is born of such understanding.

Human relationships are one of the most fertile, challenging and rewarding arenas for growth and development of self-awareness, and they are the best training ground  for authentic leadership.   Being aware of and actively improving relationships both inside and external to the workplace is the cornerstone of great leadership development,.  and authentic leadership.  Not only must relationships be evaluated and given attention and effort, they must be appreciated for the learning opportunities which they hold.

The problem is we look at relationships through the wrong lens mostly. We use relationships to gauge our own or others self-worth, or we use them as if there is a hierarchy of good and bad people (I can hear the outcry now), we use them to suffer rather than celebrate. In the workplace, the extent of our discussions about relationships is limited to those about . These simply ignore one of the fundamental musts for authentic leadership, personal relationships, and I don’t mean romantic ones! If only we could just grasp the fact that relationships are learning opportunities which increase the opportunity for authentic leadership, then we would create a much better world and lay the way for much more effective and caring authentic leadership.

For me, some of the authentic leadership lessons, human relationships hold are:

  • Learning that love comes from within, and is not lost even when another is not around – find the love within despite what is happening outside.
  • That we hate in others the capacity or capability of that trait in ourselves – Forgive others.  and yourself if you manage to see the potential or even the behaviour in you.
  • People feel what you are thinking about them, even if they aren’t consciously aware and so honesty is vital – Examine your thought behaviours and patterns as if they were transparent.
  • We often project our own script onto others – True listening and open-mindedness is essential to hearing others and understanding who they are.
  • Fear makes us want to attack and we fear being attacked – heal the fear and learn to trust one’s own self first.
  • Everyone is equally as valuable – without exception. Yes some people do bad things and I am not minimising that, and some people do heroically brilliant things. At the heart of who we are we all have some good, some bad and the extent of the love or fear we allow in our lives dictates our behaviour.
  • Perceptions are not fixed, in any given situation they can change. How we perceive others cannot ever be wholly accurate and therefore not to be trusted as an absolute authority.
  • Withholding judgment of others doesn’t mean not getting out of harm’s way.
  • We are interdependent, no “man” is an island
  • Love is the force which we always uncover if we are open to it.

In the workplace, while relationships may not be so intensely reflected as in the above examples, the principals still hold true. Authentic leadership,  can flourish when it is know:

  • All roles in the workplace are important and everyone is valuable for the part they play. On a human level everyone is equally as valuable.
  • People of different abilities and skills will come and go in the workplace equal to the growth of the organisation. Appreciating that there should be healthy relationships for past, present and future employees are essential.
  • The quality of the way teams and individuals view and speak about each other in the workplace needs work and attention. Relationship building should be pivotal in growing and succeeding in the business.
  • People will live up to the leaders expectations of them.  When operating from authentic leadership, the best is expected.
  • Communication strategies have to be honest, authentic and two way.
  • People must be encouraged to learn about themselves and others with a view to widening understanding.

Relationships are one of the cornerstones of authentic leadership, badging these as “soft skills” simply isn’t tenable any longer. They are HARD, emotionally charged lessons to learn, but if we have the courage to get into that particular class, and truly learn those skills then the rewards will be huge.

 

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5 Characteristics of an Open-Minded Leader

  By Christina Lattimer • October 3, 2013 - 1:57 pm

open-minded leaderAn open-minded leader can appear anywhere.

I remember when I was still in my teens listening to a most fascinating work colleague, who professed to understand how hypnotists managed to tap into someone’s subconscious and get it to take control. In the next breath he would describe his insights gained in different cultures which he had acquired in his Navy days. His range of conversation was diverse, lively and knowledgeable. I remember feeling quite boring and uninteresting comparing myself with him, (which was a pre-occupation of mine as a teen). His role wasn’t officially as a leader, but he was well respected and one of those people who you know is influential in the team, he would have certainly qualified as an open-minded leader.

He had that charismatic quality, I always admire, which in those days I called open-mindedness. Open-mindedness for me was cool in those days, and still is. I think the quality of an open-minded leader is an underrated and misunderstood characteristic. What this quality means for me is:

A thirst for learning

Of course there are many types of learning: Taking in information through reading, observing, or my favourite which is experiential learning. I remember reading somewhere that the most honest sentence we can utter is “I don’t know”. I have come to realise that true wisdom stems from exactly that, an open-minded leader has that wisdom.  It is when we are at our most convinced that we have something new to learn. Also an open-minded leader understands that the learning journey never stops.  All we can be certain of is what we have learned so far. There is a practical aspect to this too. Our minds are a little like our bodies in that what we put in, is what we get out usually. If we sit and watch soaps or low-grade TV for hours on ends, guess what our conversation and focus is about?

Curiosity

Just when did our natural curiosity about the world disappear? My grandson Charlie is just starting to ask “Why?” Like most children he is curious and wants to understand what surrounds him. But for the majority of us, our natural curiosity stops at a certain point. Why is that? Is it because our minds are made up for us by concrete explanations from our parents or teachers? I remember at 16 having some extremely rigid views about our social system. I mentioned my limited views to a friend one day and she explained to me how narrow my thinking was and bluntly showed me the error of my ways. I realised in that moment I had taken on board the thought system of my parents, who had come from a completely different experience and generation from me. How often do we do that? Open-mindedness means that instead of believing everything you are told, you find out yourself. Even when you draw conclusions, you are open to finding out more. Exploring and actively being open and curious is the key here.

An ability to see things easily from different perspectives

In the world of the open-minded leader there is only “what works” and “what doesn’t work”, rather than what is right or wrong. We live in a world of both entrenched and enlightened values at times. Part of being open-minded is being able to see another’s point of view and evaluating not whether it is right or wrong, but whether it works or not. There is also the phenomenon of paradox working here, so being able to realise two opposing truths can be real. Take Orwell’s statement for example. “All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others” This statement can be viewed from a myriad of perspectives which if judgment is suspended can help the reader to see the situation from many different points of view. Political leaders are very good at this!

An acceptance and respect for others beliefs and choices

This can be a tough one. I remember talking to a professional who was coaching a young entrepreneur who wanted to get into the modelling world. An A grade student, with a great start-up business, and supportive parents;  a glittering future was about to be thrown away by this young business woman who’s main desire in life was to enter the fickle and superficial world of modelling; or so my friend described.  But the truth is we never know what is good for someone else, or what path is right for someone.  I married very young and inevitably it ended in divorce.  But was it inevitable?   When my daughter decided to buy a house at age 19 with her first and only boyfriend, I was aghast.   Luckily I was wise enough by then to understand that just because things went wrong for me, didn’t mean it would for her.  All I said to her was, “Go and try it, but if it doesn’t work, then you can come home” She never has. We celebrated her wedding at the weekend after 9 years of being together.   It is the same in the workplace.  An open-minded leader  will honour other people and the choices they make.

An awareness that their own and others beliefs and filters can be limiting

Our experience in this world is made up through a filter of our beliefs, ideas, thought patterns and emotions.  Part of respecting the perspective of others shows a good understanding of this. There is a further element to this for open-minded people in that they realise;  not only does everyone come from a different perspective, but it is likely that any perspective is limited. If you’ve ever had to give up a limited belief, without having another belief in place it can feel quite frightening.  To be able to form new beliefs, you have to be able to use your imagination, and sometimes going from a limiting belief to a more expanded belief takes a leap of faith. At work this can be a problem whenever change happens, for example when a business is trying to reinvent or rebrand itself.  An open-minded leader will understand that they have to instil that faith in their employees if the changes are going to be timely and effective.

Being an open-minded leader doesn’t mean being indecisive, which can sometimes be assumed when someone is accepting and curious of the world around them. In fact, it generally means an open-minded leader can be more decisive because they understand any decision is simply based on what they know in that moment, and therefore an open-minded leader cannot make a wrong decision. Just one that works, or doesn’t.

 

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This great article is from the our 6 months themed series based on the Centre for Creative Leaderships Report of 2013, in which they identified the 6 top challenges for leaders across the globe:   Don't Miss Out! Sign up here to be notified of subsequent issues and posts

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If you are a leader, you are continually developing and "Sharpening the Saw".  If you lead and manage teams, then you must read about our Inspirational New Leadership Programme.  Sign up now to find out more details when we launch in July 2014.  There is no obligation to undertake the programme, if you sign up today, you will simply be sent more information about the programme.  You can unsubscribe at any time!  Click below to register for further information.