Tag Archives: development

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The Emotional Key to a Better Leadership Style

  By Christina Lattimer • September 25, 2013 - 1:40 pm

Leading with Emotional Intelligence and Owning Your Feelings

Yesterday I was picking a business colleague and friend up from our local train station. After battling the morning rush traffic which was an emotional feat in itself, I got to the station only to discover there were major building works. I managed to get into a space at the side of the station which had lots of car parking spaces but had big “no parking” signs because they belonged to a local hotel.

I had arranged to pick my friend up from the pick-up point at the front of the station, and I was already late. Therein lay my dilemma. I didn’t have his mobile number to hand, I couldn’t get to the front of the station, and if I had driven away I had no way of letting him know what was happening.

Acutely aware he would be wondering where on earth I had got to, I decided to jump quickly out of the car and wave to him to signal where I was. I got out of my car door, went onto the path, my friend spotted me after a couple of waves, and as I turned to go back to the car about 2 metres away there was a private car parking attendant writing out a ticket. “You have got to be kidding” I said. He smiled eerily and said “no, you’ve left the car unattended, you can see the signs”, as he proceeded to stick a ticket on my windscreen. Completely astonished, I watched helplessly as he proceeded to take photographs of the empty car no doubt to back up his ticket.

Years ago I would have reacted badly to the sense of injustice, anger and frustration of being so unfairly treated.  At this stage in my life I simply managed to say with great disdain “I don’t know how you sleep at nights”. We then got into the car and left.

I managed to forget about the incident until last evening when I came upon the ticket in my handbag. The emotional annoyance and frustration came rushing back, and the sense of injustice made me look to see what right of appeal I had to the ticket. Awareness of my dislike of the parking attendant made me pause and think about why I disliked him. Of course it was my interpretation of the event which made me dislike him and the perceived hassle I felt I now had by pursuing an appeal. I knew I could interpret the events in a number of ways. He was only doing his job; he must need the money badly; I did not know what pressure he was under to “catch perpetrators”. Of course I had choices about how I would respond too. It might just be easier to pay up and to learn the lesson for next time.

One of the most annoying habits for others I have learned over the years of developing self-awareness is my understanding of the power and responsibility of owning my emotions, and the ability of others to do so also. My kids do not appreciate me rationalising their anger with others when I suggest they may look at the situation in a different way, a vital key to emotional intelligence.  They want to blame others; after all it makes them feel better. And it does for many of us.

We do however always have the power to choose how we will react or respond to any situation. In an extreme example Victor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist and holocaust survivor, recounting his experience in the concentration camp said

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Viktor’s story is amazing, he chose to see his guards and captors as imprisoned as he was himself, and honed his emotional intelligence to the degree that he incredulously could even see the good in some of them.

Even in one of the most gruesome events in history Viktor was aware of the knowledge that he could choose how to interpret his experience.

Understanding one’s power to choose one’s reaction to what is happening is one of the key’s to great leadership, as well as emotional intelligence.  You only have to read about the hardships faced by Ghandi, Mandela and others like them to know that these great leaders possessed well developed emotional intelligence, which should be included in more leadership development programmes’.

At work too, being able to choose one’s response when you feel angry, scared, anxious or even gloriously happy is essential if you are going to navigate your way through and win hearts and minds. That’s not to say you never show your feelings, or become a sterile shadow of your real self; it means you choose when it is appropriate to act on with emotional intelligence about how you are feeling. In the sage words of Aristotle

“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy”

The reason it’s not wise to act on one’s feelings or emotional reaction, always, is because they are often inaccurate.  As human’s we can misinterpret the simplest of things. An employee goes off sick after they’ve been asked to do something differently. You assume they are emotional and angry, when actually you find out they’ve been suffering from depression since their mother died. An employee raises a grievance and you feel threatened and angry with them because you think they are out to get you, until you discover that they have very difficult circumstances at home and no one has taken the time to understand them. Even when the evidence overwhelmingly justifies the way we feel, we can always still choose a response.

The trick is to use your emotions like a guidance system. They are simply giving you some information about what you are experiencing.  Sometimes taking action on emotions is the right thing to do, and sometimes it’s not. As a leader, emotional awareness is a key to making win/win decisions, taking charge of difficult situations and tapping into your intuition. If you let your emotions take charge of you, then you can blindly forge into situations and create irreparable damage.

In my own journey, owning my emotions and not blaming others for how I feel is and was one of my toughest lessons.  Honouring feelings, while choosing an appropriate response is the key to owning emotions. It is only with this knowledge that you can reclaim your personal power, both in life and as a leader.

I still don’t like the fact I got a parking ticket, but I know I can either choose to simply pay up and put it behind me, or I can appeal, using precious time and resources to justify my sense of unfairness. Either way it is a choice. Which one would you choose?
 

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10 Ways to Get Focused When You Simply Have Too Much To Do

  By Christina Lattimer • September 19, 2013 - 1:59 pm

 

10 Tips on How to get Focused When Multi- tasking

I don’t know about you but I do struggle at times to feel in control when my “to-do-list” is over the page. Unfortunately while mindlessly reacting, I’ve developed an almost comic strip routine, a little like starting a new healthy eating regime, it only lasts a few days and then old habits usually take over. The routine goes like this: I draw up a new to-do-list; I prioritise it, and start working through it. What usually happens is an emergency occurs, or something unexpected becomes the priority of the day, and my carefully planned prioritisation goes out of the window. I spend a day or two trying to get through some bulk volume work, spend unplanned evenings catching up and then the whole cycle starts again.

My 16 year old son has just started into 6th form, for a lad who simply hates homework, at least 16 hours of it each week is a big stretch; it’s a whole new paradigm shift for him, one which already into the 2nd week has become a source of stress. Of course he has to build habits which are going to help him to avoid being stressed. As I was giving him some advice about how to focus, I realised it was about time to take my own advice. So here I am writing this blog (on time) because yesterday, I began the process of practicing what I preached. I have heard many times that you learn best what you teach, so I thought in that spirit, I would share my advice with you! If you are ultra-organised and can add to the list, please do share!  Any advice will help me I’m sure.

Ten ways to get focused :

1. Turn off the technology

With an array of teenage social media such as Snap chat, Instagram, Face book and IM, my son’s phone pretty much pings constantly. For me, my guilty time waster is to open emails when they ping into my inbox on my desk or laptop. This idea is as old as the first installed workplace computer, we all know we have to do it, but it takes some discipline and determination to ignore our ever increasing online communications.

2. Do one thing at a time

I know, I know it’s not rocket science, but I do flit about from project to project at times. My son started some Psychology homework, got stuck and instead of getting over the “difficult hurdle” he put it down and started something else. Doing one thing at a time means doing it from start to finish, without being distracted with something else. To actually do this takes determination and concentration, but it is well worth it as even difficult tasks get ticked off.

3. Diarise non urgent tasks a month ahead

If you have a million things to do and half of them are routine and definitely not going to be urgent in the next week or so, then diarise them a month in the future. I know it doesn’t get them off your list, but it gets them off your list for now. For me, it is like a breath of fresh air to know I don’t have to give those routine items a priority, and if I do happen to get up to date, I can always reach forward and get those things done and feel even more virtuous!

4. Chunk down daunting tasks

My son had his first 1000 word essay to do; he was daunted to say the least (while I tactfully kept quiet about the 10k and 20k feats which might come if he goes onto higher education). If you are daunted by the size of the task, then chunk it down into manageable tasks. Put each smaller task into a series of priorities and complete each one in order. It is easier to concentrate on a task if you know it’s only going to take an hour or so, than when you know it’s going to take a couple of days.

5. Have a purpose

When I have a mundane, but a priority task to do, I need a good purpose. So for example, when I got my tax return done earlier this month, I had to remind myself that if I got it done, not only would it not be hovering over me, like the ghost of Christmas Past, but I would be able to completely get focused on tasks I really love and enjoy. My son had to remind himself that he wanted to spend some of his weekend playing football and going out with friends, and not have to do homework instead. Having big picture purposes can help too, although tend not to be so effective, as small ones. At the moment, my son has a vision for his future, so he needs to remind himself that by focusing now, it will help him achieve his goals.

6. Don’t do it

Ok, this tip isn’t about focus, but getting rid of unnecessary or habitual tasks helps to get you focused on the important and necessary tasks. If you can’t find a good reason to do it, other than, you always do, or its part of your routine, or you’re scared to let it go, then stop.

7. Be in the right environment

We are lucky because we have a spare bedroom which my son is now using as his study. It means he can shut the door and escape from the hub-bub of the rest of the house. If you are in a busy office and can’t concentrate for interruptions and activity around you, then go somewhere else. I managed a busy office with over 80 employees on site, and as my door was wide open, I had a constant queue of people coming to see me. During one particular crisis we encountered, I was struggling to pull together an urgent report, when one of my dear team members, marched over, popped her head round the door and said, “excuse me, but this is for your own good”, and she shut the door and taped a “Do not disturb” sign on my door. Yes I should have done it myself of course, but being in reactive mode can sometimes be a lifelong habit.

8. Take a break

If you get to a point where you are finding it hard going, take a break. Taking a break does not mean checking your phone or emails, it is about going to get a coffee, getting some fresh air or even practicing a five minute mediation. It is about quieting your mind, not populating it with fresh information

9. Establish a routine.

If you are a morning person then getting through your priority tasks should be done as soon as you get to your desk, or as soon as you can. You know what times of the day you are most productive, don’t waste those times on routine non urgent tasks, reserve them for the things you really need to do to make a difference. Once you’ve established your time zone, then stick to it and make it a habit as prevalent as brushing your teeth.

10. Borrow tips

My tenth tip is borrowed from a great mentor of mine, the eminently successful Peter Thomson, who is the UK’s most prolific Information Product Creator. So sorry, I don’t want to steal Peter’s thunder, so you will have to wait for this one, as I have interviewed Peter for the next issue of our monthly E-Zine “The Extra MILE” where he tells readers all about his work and in amongst his great advice he also shares his brilliantly simple tip to help people get things done, which is brilliantly effective! Do visit our website, and sign up for the E-zine to be sent directly to your inbox so you don’t miss out on Peter’s sage advice.

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Focused

 

 

 

 

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3 Ways We Block Success

  By Christina Lattimer • September 13, 2013 - 1:42 pm
SuccessThree Ways We Block Success

I’ve often wondered why people don’t as a rule live up to their potential:

People with fabulous skills who for many reasons don’t feel the need to use them. A great friend of mine has the interior designer skill of Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen. She tirelessly attacks her house like painting the Forth Bridge, where she just finishes designing and changing her final room, then starts again. Her imagination, flair and precision to detail and colour are amazing. She makes her living from a completely different profession, one which she contributes greatly, but is hard work and low paid. A few years ago I asked her why she didn’t take her outstanding design skills to the next level, get paid for it, and become a success. I realised there was a lot at stake when she gave me about 15 resounding reasons why not.

I wasn’t surprised, and I know enough never to judge another person’s destiny or life, but I’ve seen it again and again, when hidden talents are just that: hidden away and not acted upon.

When researching for my degree dissertation, one of the questions I asked about 100 people was: “If you had all the money you wanted and there were no obstacles, would you be doing what you do now?” I can’t remember the exact figures, but it was in the 80%+ bracket of those interviewed who said “no. They wouldn’t”. When I asked them what they would do instead, some had startling clear ideas, some had a bit of an idea and others didn’t know, what they were sure of though was it wasn’t what they did right now.

It’s not just about making use of our talent and skills, many of us (me included) procrastinate, and talk about the fact that “we should get more sleep” or “we should lose those extra pounds” or “we need to stop working so hard, spend time with the family, take that holiday we’ve always dreamed about. I imagine you can add to the list.

I’m listening to the audio version of “” (2009) a co-authored book by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford and Marianne Williamson. The three authors describe their unique perspectives of how our unconscious or our shadow affects us all. For those on a spiritual path, the book is a must, for those of you who aren’t  there is still many great psychological principles which are useful to understand if you want to really be your true self.

In the book, Debbie Ford describes how our shadow dictates our behaviour at times and how we need to look within to harness and direct what can be an unconscious destructive power. The problem of course, is, if we are being driven by an unconscious force, then we don’t know about it and are in denial! Our shadow is made up of all the characteristics, feelings, memories and traits we want to bury away and forget. The problem is, when such episodes are repressed then, they don’t go away and resurface in a number of destructive ways.

I have done enough reflection and work on myself to have experienced the sweet release when you face up to a painful or shameful memory, and come to terms with it, and so recognise the healing power of looking at our shadow, although it doesn’t make it any easier, and there is always something to look at! It is very much a lifelong journey.

In the workplace, again and again, I’ve seen characters who had potential to be a success, who at the last minute would do something to jeopardise their progress. I saw people yearning for a different lifestyle, not extraordinary outrageous changes, just simple ones, but forever keeping it out of their reach. There are many ways we sabotage our success, but for me these are the 3 most prevalent.

1.  Repressing painful memories, which make us fearful to move forward, or keep us locked in unsatisfying and dead-end relationships.

Not facing up to our inner pain seems like a good strategy. Who wants to feel pain? Of course we don’t. Allowing ourselves to work through pain heals and releases us from unnecessary suffering. The main reason we hold onto unnecessary pain, is that we have interpreted the pain we are feeling to mean something about us. “He left because I wasn’t good enough”, or,” he lost his job because he is just one of life’s losers” We bury the pain, because we cannot bear to face the incorrect interpretation we have arrived at.

2. Allowing fear to prevent us from taking our talents to where they can benefit and help others.

Many of us live in our comfort zone and facing fears is part of growing and living. When I asked my friend why she didn’t want to take her interior design skills and get paid for her obvious talent, one of the many reasons she stated, was: “Who would want someone of my age to design their houses?” (She was in her mid-40’s at the time). What this response and many others amount to, one of our many human foibles is that many of us just don’t feel good enough. The truth is of course, that we are all good enough, and we don’t have to be perfect.

3. Claiming inappropriate guilt when we have honored ourselves.

My friends got together many years ago, leaving their respective spouses. They had kids, and it was a terrible guilt-gut wrenching time for all involved. A couple of years ago, my friends realised that guilt was still dictating their lives, when their children were all stretching them to the limit and causing havoc. Although they didn’t realise it, they were not drawing appropriate boundaries and limits because they felt guilty. One of the ex-spouses had never married again, proclaiming that their life had been ruined. This spectre of blame and guilt over- shadowed the lives of the long married pair. When removing oneself from a poor relationship, it is a way of honoring oneself. That is not to say there should not be respect, kindness and consideration for the other partner who may not want the split; certainly if you want to move on from a relationship, you have to take responsibility. But how long should you wear that hair shirt? Of course, it benefits no-one and especially those children, who needed to understand that sometimes, life’s like that. Once they realised their guilt was governing their lives, they made some big changes, and months later, much happier children, and a much happier family life was achieved.

At work too, the collective shadow can come into play, keeping great potential cloaked in an unhappy comfort zone, creating conflict and affecting the success of the team. Organisations carry their own stories of guilt, repression of feelings and fear. That’s why story-telling and re-framing the past as well as stories about the vision for the future is so important for businesses.
 

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How Is Conflict Hurting Your Business?

  By Christina Lattimer • August 31, 2013 - 9:23 pm
Conflict often requires professional HR Expertise

Have you ever dreaded going to work because you didn’t want to deal with all the conflict? Maybe you didn’t want to face a boss who nitpicks and over-analyzes everything or work with a co-worker who is constantly texting while you’re trying to explain something important. Well, you’re certainly not alone.

Research shows that chronic unresolved conflict is a decisive factor in at least 50% of employee departures. Further, roughly 65% of employee performance problems are caused by strained relationships between employees. What’s more, managers spend 25-40%
of their time dealing with workplace conflicts. That’s up to 2 full work days every week that they’re not getting any real work done! As workplace conflict expert Daniel Dana, Ph.D. states, “Unresolved conflict represents the largest reducible cost in many businesses…yet it remains largely unrecognized.”

A Hidden Cause of Workplace Conflict

But what is the cause of all this conflict? Of course, individual personality differences play a role. However, one of the biggest hidden causes of workplace conflict is generational differences.

After all, a company founder who was born in the 1920s and grew up during the impoverished Great Depression has a very different work nature than a new hire who was born in the 1990s and grew up in the generally abundant and constantly connected Information Age. Basically, since they grew up in such different times, they come from completely different worlds and have very different perspectives and values. It’s not surprising that the latter might be reluctant to play by, or even understand, the rules of the former. With so many generational differences across an organization, it’s no wonder there’s so much conflict!  So, where do we start in reducing this generational conflict? Unfortunately, when we look closely at the traditional approaches to generations (like Baby Boomers, Gen X, Gen Y, etc.), we find some significant problems.

The Traditional Generational Approaches

The traditional approaches to generations are flawed in a number of ways. First, they take randomly-chosen periods of time to try to create generational profiles. But, arbitrary time frames such as a boom in the birth rate after World War II, or historical social cycles, do not accurately reflect powerful shared social experiences or exponential technological change.

 

 

 

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7 Ways to Increase Your Odds of Success

  By Christina Lattimer • August 8, 2013 - 11:40 am
There is no fool-proof way to make sure you reach success in everything you do. If you are a poker player, you will know that no matter how good the cards are; or how well you play them; there is always a chance that you will be “drawing dead”. For those of you who don’t play poker, the term “drawing dead” basically means you are holding a losing hand, but you don’t know it.

Although I’ve reached success on many occasions in my life, I’ve equally often been “drawing dead” on many occasions too. The whole point is that we can intend many outcomes, but more often than not, we simply don’t know how things are going to pan out.

The problem is our conscious minds are, at this stage in our evolution, pretty limited. Scientist Dr Bruce Lipton asserts that and it is this part of the mind which is largely in control. This explains why for example, we might intend to lose those extra pounds or save for that vacation, but no matter what our intention, we carry on with old habits and no change is made.

It can feel pretty scary to think we actually aren’t aware of what controls us. Although if you are prepared to learn and become self-aware it can actually be powerful, because all you have to do in theory is to become aware of those unconscious beliefs and recordings which are driving you and you can make those changes.

Sounds easy? Of course sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. What you have to do to tap into the unconscious mind is to ask the right questions and then be prepared to listen for the answer. In the meantime though we have to make decisions, take action and deal with life.

There are always going to be times when the cards don’t fall your way and things don’t happen the way you want them. There are times when the cards are all lined up and you win that particular hand. What I have learned over the years is a number of strategies which help me make the most of the hand I’ve been dealt and then play them in a winning way.

1. Be clear about the outcome you want and go for it

Having clear outcomes helps you feel purposeful and motivated. Outcomes don’t have to be mind-blowing, life-changing or long-term.  Outcomes can range from, envisaging a peaceful loving meal with the family, or becoming a millionaire. The scope and timing doesn’t matter, what matters is you programme your mind to work towards something you want.

2. Let go of the outcome

Conversely you then need to let go of the outcome. Desperately wanting something to happen simply creates a negativity which just keeps your desires away from you. Also the reason things don’t work out could be for a number of reasons. For example if the peaceful loving meal erupts into world war three, then you might have to learn acceptance or how to help others navigate their own emotions. 

3. Develop strategies and stick to them

If you intend to have a loving peaceful meal with the family, but you know there is a risk that tempers may flare, or somehow conflict might arise, then if you have a strategy to help you deal with that possibility then you will not get exasperated, or frustrated or angry when your desired outcome isn’t being realised. You will find a way to navigate your way through. When I gave up smoking, I developed a strategy to avoid those situations when I knew my craving would be worst. I stuck with the strategy and eventually, I kicked the habit for good. It’s the same with some of your bigger outcomes. Develop strategies designed to achieve your outcome, which will help you deal with disappointment, cover risks and change course when it’s right to do so.

4. Face your worst fears

If you don’t face your worst fears, they will drive you. If you fear you might not achieve your outcome for some reason, then you need to root that fear out and deal with it. If you fear a different outcome, for example your partner might leave you, or you might end up broke, face it. It is only when you repress and stifle fears that your subconscious mind stores them up to trip you up!

5. Have a Plan B

Following on from facing your fears, is to have a “Plan B”. What are you going to do if the worst happens? If you don’t think you are going to be able to bear it, where will you get support? What will you do to get yourself back on track? What happens if your business folds, your job ends, you go broke? How can you put a contingency in place to deal with or help mitigate you realising your worst fears.  Once you have done this and feel at peace with your contingency, then forget about it and focus on what you do want!

6. Be your own best friend

We can be our own worst critics. To increase your chances of success, you need to choose to be your own best friend, your own cheerleader and your soft place to fall. Being your best friend doesn’t mean you don’t let others in your life to be there for you, but given you know yourself best, it’s good to know you are on your own side!

7. Celebrate successes

Success comes in many forms and realising your desires is only one way you can feel successful. Some of my most successful outcomes came from adversity. Finding emotional resilience and better ways to deal with life, is actually a great success can often only be achieved through not getting what you want sometimes. 
 

 

 

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If you are a leader, you are continually developing and "Sharpening the Saw".  If you lead and manage teams, then you must read about our Inspirational New Leadership Programme.  Sign up now to find out more details when we launch in July 2014.  There is no obligation to undertake the programme, if you sign up today, you will simply be sent more information about the programme.  You can unsubscribe at any time!  Click below to register for further information.

   
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It’s Only Words

  By Christina Lattimer • August 1, 2013 - 6:41 pm
Very powerful but it’s only words

I’ve been hearing a lot of speeches and conversations lately particularly from leaders of companies, organizations, and political candidates. They all got me thinking about language and what a powerful influence for good, bad, or indifferent words can have, how they can stick or simply slide away.

I recently published my eBook on the topic of communicating in today’s market and I must say that I have learned a few revealing truths during the process. I also changed the format a few times. Writing about words and how they should or should not be used can get, for lack of a better word, wordy.

We’ve all heard that it’s not what you say but how you say it and choosing words carefully for best effect can be more productive; best to be succinct and get to the point. This can be easier said than done, particularly when what we say is often linked to our egos, fear, expectations, and past experiences. It’s also interesting to note the statistical fact that 55%-80% of all human interactions are nonverbal. This means that our gestures and movements, no matter how subtle, can provide more impact than a spoken word.

They can also reveal whether we’re lying or not. Having knowledge of body language and being a keen observer can save a lot of wasted time and heartache but, being the emotional addicts that we are, we tend to have selective hearing and choose to believe what we need to at any given time.

Words can make us cry, laugh, make us angry, upset our world and change our lives. They trigger our psyches for better or worse and how we respond is usually based on the past, our fear of failure, our need for acceptance. If we allow them in, words can fool us, diminish our accomplishments, humiliate, and cause great stress. They can also lift us to new heights, provide hope, motivate us, reinvent our attitudes, and create great possibility.

 

 

 

 

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The 3 Biggest Mistakes Leaders Make Which Diminishes Their Credibility

  By Christina Lattimer • August 1, 2013 - 11:25 am
The 3 Biggest Mistakes Leaders Make Which Diminishes Their Credibility

Inconveniently, I’ve always had a conscience for some reason. This is not a holier than thou admission, it is just telling it how it is.  It doesn’t mean I’ve always done the right thing, in fact I could fill this page with actions and reactions I’ve made over the years which make me positively cringe.

What this meant for me for many years, was I would act in a way which logically was right, but I often walked around feeling bad.  When I would react in anger or judgement or just downright selfishly, I always had a stab in my abdomen which told me (I thought), how bad I was. Certainly when I was younger I was often angry or judgemental so I felt pretty bad much of the time.

As I grew, I realised that the stab in the abdomen was a warning that I was pretty much going to get myself into trouble, and that I was on the wrong track. It took me years to listen, but when I did, I realised inside me I had a brilliant guidance system which if I listened hard enough would help keep me out of trouble. I think I was lucky though born with a preference for intuition, even though my ego like an unruly rebellious child simply wanted to ignore it much of the time.

What I learned when leading and managing teams was that my intuition was absolutely vital and valuable, when I chose to listen of course.

There are a number of things my intuition told me as I led and managed others. The first one was to act with integrity. I strived to do this; tempted often to be expedient rather than act with integrity I mostly managed it, the gut always flashing that red warning light when I ignored this sound advice.

The second was to value everyone equally, and be scrupulously fair in my dealings with others. This was a challenging call. Like everyone else, it’s easy to lean towards those who are like you and who make your life easier. It’s much more challenging to embrace those who aren’t and who seem to give you endless headaches.

The third I want to highlight is to live a life of contribution. Definitely the most challenging tasks my intuition kept hammering home to me. Although I was always pretty motivated at work (ok, some would say a workaholic), it was only up until a very few years ago I was driven by my own desire to do a good job, my main motivation being to demonstrate to and give my kids a better life. My kids are pretty much grown up now, so once I realised I had kind of achieved that goal, a mini depression set in because I had lost my purpose.  And of course, this was just the opportunity my intuition had been waiting for! The only way I was able to regain my sense of purpose was to start down the path of contribution.

There are many lessons my intuition has taught me, and they have all been kindly and affirming. When I have ignored them my intuition just waits silently, not judging, not impatiently, simply waiting for the time when I was ready to listen.

Its vital leaders get in touch with their intuition, because when they do, decision making doesn’t come any easier, but it does have better results. I have found, through both bitter experience and observing others, many ways leaders destroy their credibility and lose the trust of their team. The following are for me the most prevalent.

These mistakes of course, are not limited to leaders and managers; they demonstrate the character of you as a person. So today, ask yourself if you are making these mistakes. If you are don’t worry, we are all do to an extent. But with awareness comes change.

Don’t act with integrity

There are many versions of integrity, and sometimes the components of integrity are difficult to articulate. But for me acting with integrity describes a number of forces at play. Some of them include acting in accordance with the values you lay claim to.  Understanding what others value and respecting them even if you don’t agree with them. Accepting others, being non-judgemental, discerning and being true to oneself. Being open to being wrong is always a key component of integrity! To act in true integrity can infer a heightened consciousness, or self-awareness. When leaders don’t act with integrity, then team members don’t feel safe.

Don’t value others equally

This is a hard one, because when someone is making life difficult it is hard to value them as much as someone who isn’t. We all make judgements even superficially. Our unconscious biases are always in play. The differences for leaders who consciously value others equally are the fact they are always questioning their decisions.

One of the biggest problems I find with clients is in their desire to get rid of a difficult person they form an attitude about them as a person. This just gets in the way. The best way to deal with difficult people is to maintain respect for them as people, but deal with their behaviour. Just because you value people equally, doesn’t mean you don’t deal decisively with unwanted behaviour. You are just kind when you do. When leaders don’t value others equally for being human, then even the most favoured employee will observe and note the unfairness, even if they aren’t at the receiving end of it.

Lack a contribution mind-set

There is nothing wrong with a leader who is competitive, results orientated, commercially driven, or profits orientated. But if their drive isn’t coupled with a genuine desire to make a meaningful difference; to help others; to contribute to the community, or to honour others, then no matter how successful, their credibility as a leader will  be diminished, even if only a little. Like it or not, our nature is to contribute. If a leader doesn’t embrace that drive within us, then the team whether they are consciously aware of it or not, will hold back with their loyalty and commitment.

So there are my 3 top ways that leaders and managers compromise the trust and credibility with their team.  What would you add?
 

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Performance Appraisals, Judge And BE Judged

  By Christina Lattimer • July 26, 2013 - 10:19 pm
Tasneem Hameed writes about the pitfalls of Performance Appraisals for The Extra MILE E-zine.

“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself”- Wayne Dyer
To judge someone is a very difficult task. Even God who is almighty fixed a criterion for judging people, i.e. good deeds and bad deeds for reward and punishment. As their mind developed, humans too accepted its value for better control and they adopted it happily. When organizations came in to being, its application increased further because of its acceptance as the best way to manage people, and performance appraisal was the outcome. The modern performance appraisal systems go beyond rewarding the good deeds, i.e. good work, performance or efficiency and effectiveness of employees through money and use it also for development of employees.  In addition to direct fixed compensation and bonuses employees get rewards of promotion and career paths. The punishment side comprises of withholding of increment, warning letter or even termination.

Blue Eyes And Bad books
Performance appraisals are not only one of the most critical management processes, but also the most controversial. Judging and rewarding people being a sensitive matter no one can deny its importance. It is difficult to find an employee who thinks or admits that his/her work performance was bad or not up to the mark. Although new methods are being continuously explored and implemented, but there is always a feeling of justice not being done according to most of the employees who don’t get expected outcome from their performance appraisals. As the manager/supervisor of an employee has the most important role in the performance appraisal, he mostly has to bear the brunt of criticism. The most common complaint has been that of personal bias, both positive and negative, i.e. favoritism or dislike. For some employees good appraisal indicates that the appraised is a blue- eyed employee while the employee who does not get good ranking in the appraisal is in the bad books of the appraiser.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by Christina Lattimer

 

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A New Paradigm of Leadership and Management Development – redirected

  By Christina Lattimer • July 25, 2013 - 4:18 pm
To give clarity to my paradigm on leadership and management, I set out below my leadership development model which gives on overview of my own philosophy.

I fell into the leadership and management field really.   When I left school at 16, with no expectations other than eventually to get married and start a family I had no clue what I wanted to do.  Taking the first job I could, in an office, I eventually became a manager at the tender age of 22.  Being the youngest in the office and the manager meant I had to learn quickly, and I did.  After decades now of leading and managing teams I made every mistake in the book.  Much of my career whilst successful in many respects was born of trying one thing, and when it didn’t work, trying something else.  I think I probably need to apologise to my many team members and colleagues over the years, because life with me as a leader wasn’t always easy!

The years of leading and managing though always felt right, even when everything was going wrong, and it quite often did.  What I did over that long path of time, was to learn.  I realised early on that life was about learning.  First of all I had to learn about other people, then myself, and ultimately that real learning which only occurs around relationships.

In the early days, I wanted to learn to become a better person, and often failed miserably.  Although I needed to take in information and learn the tools of my trade, I realised these were mere props. Eventually I realised that learning is actually about bringing out of one self.  The word “Education” actually derives from the verb educe, which meant “to draw forth from within”.

Having dedicated myself to a path of self-learning over the years, I would contend that the most satisfying purpose in life is to learn and uncover one’s own real self.   In this respect, I now know that learning about one’s self is not to make a better person.  But rather to uncover the person which was always there.  That is true for all of us.

What I also discovered on my learning journey was that as my self-awareness grew and where my leadership development model came into being, so did my understanding and ability as a leader and manager.  For someone who hasn’t undertaken a path of self-learning it might sound self-centred and egocentric.  But it isn’t. What I have learned is that as self-awareness grows, so does your regard, concern and respect and understanding of and for others.  I also believe a true leader does not lead per sae, but brings out the best in others, consciously or unconsciously helping them to unwrap their own true selves.

Sometime last year I spent some time with MBA Students and we were talking about modern leadership.  We looked at the many problems with the world, with politics, and with business.  We examined the many crises leaders must be tasked with.  They are enormous tasks which need great leadership and vision.   When I asked them what skills leaders needed across the board to cope with what was to come.  This is what they said.

Our leaders need “Integrity: Credibility: Wisdom: Courage: Consistency: Social Intelligence: Charisma: Vision: Communication: Appreciation: Decision making: Fairness: Justice: Rational: Creativity: Honesty: Open-mindedness”

There are many leadership models, hundreds of thousands of leadership books, underlying the many perspectives out there.  But at the core of all us there is a commonality. “A knowing” when things are right, and what is needed.  I believe many of the attributes most people want their leaders to have are contained in that list articulated by the students.

Below is my leadership model based on this commonality and knowing.  This is, I believe, the new paradigm, so sorely needed right now.  Many are already there, many on the journey, and many still to undertake it.  But it is open for anyone to choose to do so at any time.

THE PEOPLE DISCOVERY LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT MODEL

 

The Model is based on a number of characteristics which are available to anyone.  The characteristics of the Model are:

Connected to Higher Self

1.            An ability to connect to ones higher self.  Some people call this Right mind or Right brain, or Spirit, Love, Intuition, a Guardian Angel, or some other Inner Guide.  And so they are Inner Directed, Discerning and Confident.

Unity Consciousness

2.            An understanding that the higher self is who we really are; the main characteristics of which are unity consciousness and love.  And so they are Positively Value Based and Value Others Equally.

Self- Awareness

3.            Well-honed visionary, thinking and emotional intelligence skills which are used with the purpose of making a real difference and so they are Creative, Self-Aware and Purposeful

Inspiring Others

4.            Understand others and therefore know how to communicate, engage, create an environment which encourages enthusiasm, commitment and motivation, and as a result get the best out of their team.  And so they are Accepting, Non-judgmental and Inspirational

Motivate Inspire Lead Engage

Leaders who develop the characteristics of the model are able to create the conditions to self-motivate, inspire, lead and engage their people.

 

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3 Critical Interpersonal Skills Of Successful Leaders

  By Christina Lattimer • July 18, 2013 - 1:06 pm
 The effectiveness or not of some leaders Interpersonal skills often seem to be intrinsically linked to their personality or character.

 

I often wonder if it’s because people think these skills are an unchangeable character trait that they aren’t given the priority they should in organisations. A question I see again and again is: Are soft skills really hard skills?

Less than effective personality, or character traits, of leaders, can be viewed as an irrevocable package deal, where changing is difficult, if not impossible, if the belief is that the leader was born with them and cannot be helped.

Less than effective traits, are particularly damaging when they affect the leader or manager’s interpersonal skills. If an alien was coming from outer space, surely they would ask us why we put leaders and managers in positions of leading people when they don’t have well-honed interpersonal skills.

Seems mad doesn’t it? But it is exactly what we do in many cases. Sometimes it’s because the leader was good at their specialism, or it’s because there’s been a re-organisation and there was nowhere else to go; or perhaps they’ve been in the position for a long time and it’s easier to do nothing, because of the old chestnut “that’s how we do things around here”.

It’s not an ideal world and sometimes people are appointed into roles other than for the only reason they should be there, which is because they have all of the skills needed to do the job and therefore are able to make a difference. Recruiting or maintaining roles where leaders or managers don’t have the right interpersonal skills isn’t inherently wrong. Doing nothing about it though is simply neglectful.

In Research reported by John Tierney in the New York Times in January, it was shown that generally people don’t believe they will change.  Apparently, much of this belief is adopted because of either a lack of vision of what the future might hold, or from an over-optimistic self-concept that they are the best they are right now.

If your organisation has leaders who have character traits which limit their effectiveness, credibility or relationships at work, then perhaps the road less travelled, that soft (hard) skills route, is what is needed.

In my own journey from junior manager many years ago, I have changed so much its scary. I look back at those early days and it’s hard to believe it’s the same life. What I did learn on the way though is that interpersonal skills can and should be developed and prioritised in any organisation.

The most significant changes came for me when I learned and was able to use the following three interpersonal skills. These were hard lessons for me, and one’s which I had to learn because frankly my default position simply didn’t get the results I wanted, which was a happy, motivated and inspired team.

  1. Anticipating How People Might Feel.

I see it all around me, and I still am guilty of lacking in this particular interpersonal skill sometimes. Awareness is no guarantee of change, you have to practice hard to change long formed habits.

As leaders, we can be so busy getting things done, as people; we get so caught up in our own story that we forget the impact we are having on others, as parents, we are so busy protecting our children, we forget we can inadvertently invoke feelings of “wrongness”.    When we feel justified communicating with a lack of concern for others who are on the receiving end of what we say, we have lost this skill, when we react with anger to someone who has said something in all innocence, we have lost this skill. When we are fearful, impatient, annoyed, or just being thoughtless, we can communicate in a way which dishonours others.

Although some of the characteristics of what we commonly call empathy are in play here, empathy tends to be responsive to others and how they feel already. This interpersonal skill is about our impact on others.

  1. Owning Your Own Truth

We make all sorts of stories and assumptions in our minds about what we see out there. I remember a manager in my team, when describing a woman who was borderline in terms of her performance, said she was lazy. I asked him how he had come to that conclusion and he told me it was because she didn’t put as much effort in as others. Well factually that might have been true, but it didn’t necessarily follow that the employee was lazy. Recently, a teacher who didn’t know my son’s background concluded he was lazy because he hadn’t done the work he needed to do in a particular subject, she had drawn her own conclusion about him because she hadn’t actually asked him what the problem was.

If the employee doesn’t come into work, is unhappy, doesn’t work hard enough, works 24/7 or always volunteers. We make judgments about them. “They don’t care”, “aren’t engaged”, or they are our “life-savers”, or “paragons of virtue”.

The truth is, and the truth we need to own, is we are gathering information constantly, and when we interpret the information it becomes our next instalment.

Owning your truth starts with saying. “I can see that this is/isn’t being done. Why is that?” or “I feel really angry, and I need to understand why I can’t deal with this poor performance in an emotionally free, assertive way”.

  1. Seeing through Multi-faceted Perceptions

Everyone sees things differently. Even when you think you have reached the most watertight and consensual decision, there will be somewhere a slight difference in perception.

Developing the skills to see things from many different perspectives can be powerful and effective. In order to do this easily, an understanding of personality types and the characteristics of each type is useful. Once you get good at this, the first two interpersonal skills mentioned above become clearer and difficult to avoid.

The truth is, we never know what anyone else is thinking, their reasons for doing (or not doing) anything, what their preferences are, or why we might not agree. All we can do is try to see a situation from as many perspectives as possible. Of course De Bono’s “6 thinking hats” is a version of this although often the concept can be confined to the boardroom, when the skill is useful in most situations.

Come find more about Leadership Development and our Great MILE Community (Motivate, Inspire, Lead and Engage).   We love connecting with like-minded people, and we want to help you either get your message out, or you can search the directory for the expertise you need.

Christina has managed people for twenty seven years and led hugely successful teams. She has worked with people at all levels in various organisations to help them achieve their potential, and she has been actively involved in the learning and development field in a number of different roles.People Discovery is a Leadership Development coaching consultancy, based in North East England, working globally. The MILE Community is a networking, sharing and business directory for people who know “there must be a better way”By Christina LattimerFollow us on 
 

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